Ducks are arguably the stupidest animals on the entire planet. Strike that. They are the stupidest animals ever to have lived on the planet. Stupider even than the dinosaurs which were so stupid they went extinct. Stupider even than the Stegosaurus which was the stupidest dinosaur of all. I know because I just looked it up on Wikipedia. It had a brain in its butt. That’s how stupid ducks are. Dinosaurs with butt brains were less stupid than them. Know what? Ducks aren’t even the stupidest animals on the planet. They are the stupidest animals in the entire universe, and you know there are planets out there with some pretty stupid animals. Even if there’s a planet out there that has animals made up entirely of Stegosaurus butt brains and Egg McMuffins, ducks are still stupider. By far. And if there’s a parallel universe where ducks think they’re super awesome and can shoot laser beams from their eyes and stuff then guess what? They’re still stupid. Think about it. Are there any good ducks in cartoons? Bugs Bunny: awesome. Snoopy: solid. Mickey Mouse: a little Ted-like but otherwise money. Daffy and Donald: pantless morons. They barely speak English! They say things like, “Sufferin succotash.” What kind of catch phrase it that? Scrooge McDuck is kinda cool because he’s totally loaded and has a swimming pool of gold and a money bin but if you dig deep enough he’s probably not really a duck. He’s probably something awesome, like a dog or an electric guitar dressed up like a duck. Ducks are stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. It’s even in their name. Mallard? Mal = Bad. Lard = Fat. And Fat + Bad = Celibate. That’s just simple math. You know who I really feel sorry for? The platypus. You take an otherwise awesome animal - it’s poisonous, yo (Wikipedia) – then you give it a freakin’ duck bill. Just think how embarrassed all the platypi are walking around with freakin’ duck bills. That’s why they stayed in Australia. They were too embarrassed about their freakin’ duck bills to go live in the real world. So next time you see a platypus say, “I’m sorry, bro. Evolution gave you the short end of the stick,” and offer up a conciliatory fist bump, taking care to avoid the hind limb cause that’s where the calcaneus spur secretes a venom that while non-lethal to humans can still lead to the development of hyperalgesia – a heightened sensitivity to pain. Oh, and next time you see a duck, kick it.

The Mermaid Theory proves that a the amount of attraction that you have for a girl  is measured in units of how much you want to bone her - increases in direct proportion to the time exposed to her.

Sailors and explorers on particularly long voyages found that manatees - those large blubbery water creatures - would magically morph into beautiful mermaids that said sailors wanted to knock flippers with. Thus, the legend of mermaids was born, straight out of the male mind's unfaltering desire to find something, anything, to stick it to.

For the modern male the theory translates as follows: No matter how hot or unhot a woman is, eventually you will want to sleep with her. The time it takes for this process to occur is the chick's "Mermaid Clock." It starts the first time you lay eyes on a chick* and stops ticking the instant you want to get your jam on.

As an example, if you met Scarlett Johansson, her Mermaid Clock would be .00000001 seconds. She's hot and you would immediately want to inspect those two grapefruits she's strutting around with. Conversely, if you met a less attractive woman, her clock could last anywhere between a couple of hours (e.g. she's nearing 30) to a couple of years (e.g. she's nearing 35).

Once a girl turns into a mermaid she can again turn into a manatee if she throws up in front of you or if she gets pregnant.

It states that never ever date a person you see on a a regular basis.
And the stages are

1. Attraction: The attraction is simple and undenianle
2. Bargaining: You start thinking that you have a crush on that person
3. Submission: Then you start getting close to that person
4. Perks: Then you start seeing the upside of the relationship and the advantages you get. Due to this you   start thinking that everything would be fine but is never is the you expect it to be.
5. The Tipping Point: Where you start noticing the cons of the relationship.You start feeling uncomfortable in the company of that person. The the only thing that comes to your mind is ' Oh! No! '
6. Purgatory: Here inevitably you have to the thing you have been dreading all along.Relationship ectomie is like a delicate surgery ,but in the Platinum Rule it takes a very steady hand and then comes
7. Confrontation: At this point you have to dump that person [This conversation starts with 'We need to talk' ]. In any other relationship that would be it ,but as you have to see that person again there is another stage which is
8. Fallout: Here you have to face frowning face ,uneasy conversations and strange glances

And thus,the Platinum Rule must be followed

The Lemon Law, which is similar in nature to lemon laws for used cars.  The theory is that a person is given the first five minutes of a date to decide whether or not they want to continue spending the rest of the evening with that person because eventually the person starts opening up and then we can judge accordingly. If there's no chemistry, they are allowed to “lemon law” the person and leave with no hard feelings.

The Cheerleader Effect(a.k.a Bridesmaid Paradox and Spice Girls Conspiracy).This is when a group of women looks attractive simply by being in proximity to one another.  In reality, however, they are just average looking or even repulsive when scrutinized individually.This is an optical illusion that happens mostly with boys when they are at some wedding feast or at a party where usually they come across groups of girls This is very common among cheerleaders. Hence the name, cheerleader effect. The origins of the cheerleader can be dated back many years ago when two guys were checking out a group of chiks in a bar. Since then the cheerleader effect has evolved in different shapes and sizes. Among some very poplar examples of the cheerleader effect are: the Brazilian volleyball team of 2006, the cheerleading team of Oklahoma state football team, the spice girls, and believe it or not....the pussycat dolls. It was only in the late 1990's that some very few cases of the cheerleader effect in men were observed. I myself have been victim to the cheerleader effect quite a number of times so my advise is, the next time you see a bunch of hot looking chiks at any place, take a good look at them one by one. You don’t want surprises.This is an optical illusion that happens mostly with boys when they are at some wedding feast or at a party where usually they come across groups of girls. I'm trying to get the images n will upload them.

Circumstantial Hotness Theory states that some girls may appear to be hot and attractive in certain circumstances while in reality they are just average looking girls.The circumstances can be of many types viz. your thought process at that point of time,the highlighter that girl is using(like girls with edgy faces use curls and fluffy hair covering their jaw endings) or the place she is at(like a female bartender may look good when shr is behind there serving but she loses her hotness the moment she come out).

                                                              When she was a customer

                                                             When she is behind the bar

                                                               
This is how circumstances add to the hotness of the girls




 

Hot-Crazy Scale also known as the Vicky Mendoza Diagonal, this theory may not be spot on but it's quite appealing to me.  It basically says the crazier a girl is, the hotter she has to be.If she does not lie above or on the diagonal then she is not fit to be in a relationship with you.And by any chance she settles in the Shelly Galezeby Zone then watch-out your balls are in danger.