Ducks are arguably the stupidest animals on the entire planet. Strike that. They are the stupidest animals ever to have lived on the planet. Stupider even than the dinosaurs which were so stupid they went extinct. Stupider even than the Stegosaurus which was the stupidest dinosaur of all. I know because I just looked it up on Wikipedia. It had a brain in its butt. That’s how stupid ducks are. Dinosaurs with butt brains were less stupid than them. Know what? Ducks aren’t even the stupidest animals on the planet. They are the stupidest animals in the entire universe, and you know there are planets out there with some pretty stupid animals. Even if there’s a planet out there that has animals made up entirely of Stegosaurus butt brains and Egg McMuffins, ducks are still stupider. By far. And if there’s a parallel universe where ducks think they’re super awesome and can shoot laser beams from their eyes and stuff then guess what? They’re still stupid. Think about it. Are there any good ducks in cartoons? Bugs Bunny: awesome. Snoopy: solid. Mickey Mouse: a little Ted-like but otherwise money. Daffy and Donald: pantless morons. They barely speak English! They say things like, “Sufferin succotash.” What kind of catch phrase it that? Scrooge McDuck is kinda cool because he’s totally loaded and has a swimming pool of gold and a money bin but if you dig deep enough he’s probably not really a duck. He’s probably something awesome, like a dog or an electric guitar dressed up like a duck. Ducks are stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. It’s even in their name. Mallard? Mal = Bad. Lard = Fat. And Fat + Bad = Celibate. That’s just simple math. You know who I really feel sorry for? The platypus. You take an otherwise awesome animal - it’s poisonous, yo (Wikipedia) – then you give it a freakin’ duck bill. Just think how embarrassed all the platypi are walking around with freakin’ duck bills. That’s why they stayed in Australia. They were too embarrassed about their freakin’ duck bills to go live in the real world. So next time you see a platypus say, “I’m sorry, bro. Evolution gave you the short end of the stick,” and offer up a conciliatory fist bump, taking care to avoid the hind limb cause that’s where the calcaneus spur secretes a venom that while non-lethal to humans can still lead to the development of hyperalgesia – a heightened sensitivity to pain. Oh, and next time you see a duck, kick it.
LABELS
pOPULAR oUT hERE
-
Hot-Crazy Scale also known as the Vicky Mendoza Diagonal, this theory may not be spot on but it's quite appealing to me. It basically ...
-
Ducks are arguably the stupidest animals on the entire planet. Strike that. They are the stupidest animals ever to have lived on th...
-
Circumstantial Hotness Theory states that some girls may appear to be hot and attractive in certain circumstances while in reality they are ...
-
The Cheerleader Effect(a.k.a Bridesmaid Paradox and Spice Girls Conspiracy).This is when a group of women looks attractive simply by being i...
-
The Mermaid Theory proves that a the amount of attraction that you have for a girl is measured in units of how much you want to bone her -...
-
The Lemon Law, which is similar in nature to lemon laws for used cars. The theory is that a person is given the first five minutes of a d...
-
It states that never ever date a person you see on a a regular basis. And the stages are Attraction : The attraction is simple and undenia...